Rudaddun Zukata

Bismillahi Rahmanir Raheem, da sunan Allah buwayi gagara misali, wanda ya bani ikon fara wannan sabon littafi nawa mai suna ruɗaɗɗiyar zuciya wato tangled hearts, this book i dedicate it entirely to Habibtie na, my secret diary, u know i love you, tnk u for the support, Allah ya raya miki iyalinki, waɗanda are coming across littafina for the first time ina fatan zaku ji daɗin shi, Allh ya bani ikon kammalashi lafiya kamar yadda na faro shi lfy, get ready for the rollercoaster of emotions, love, and many more…
Allah ya bani ikon isar da saƙon da nake fatan isarwa gareku duka, thank you all for the support, Maimoon na godiya.

Chapter 1“fractured reflections”

7:00am na safiya kamar yadda agogon dakin nata ya nuna, a hankali ta rintse idanunta daga cikin bargon da take kwance tana tana ƙara gyara kwanciyarta forcing herself to go back to sleep, tun da tayi sallar asuba take kwance amma baccin yaƙi zuwa, daga inda take kwance tana iya jiyo muryarsa sama-sama duk da bata gane me yake cewa, amma tatsuniyar gizo ba ta wuce ta k’ok’i,

window din dakinta ta k’urawa ido yadda iskar sanyin safiyar yake kaɗa labulayen a hankali, Jin ta gagara baccin yasa ta mik’e zaune a hankali, k’afafunta ta sauke a hankali kan cold wooden floor din ta Mik’e tsaye kafin ta zura k’afar cikin pair of bedroom slippers da yake gefen gadon nata, walking slowly ta bude ƙofar bedroom ɗinta ta fito tana tafiya a hankali kamar marar laka a jiki, home office d’insa da ta gani a bude yasa ta k’ara phase dinta tana sauk’a downstairs,

tun kafin ta k’arasa take Jin k’amshin K’wai alamun the lady of the house ta tashi Kenan, kitchen din ta k’arasa walking slowly, a dai-dai k’ofar ta tsaya tana kallon stepmum din tata distracting her self kamar ko Wace rana, kamar bata san wani hali mijinnata Ke ciki ba, k’arasowa tayi tana murmuring

“Good morning”

Mummy ta d’ago da murmushi a fuskarta Tana kashe gas din ba tare da ta bari sun had’a ido ba

“Morning baby, ya kika tashi?”

Shiru bata amsa ba, to me zata ce? ban yi bacci isashshe ba cause of how ur husband has been stumbling the house at 2:00 am? Ko kuma arguments dinku cikin dare da baya bari) na in runtsa, ajiyar zuciya ta sauk’e tana d’aukan well cleaned cup a cikin shelf ta tsiyayi coffee kafin a hankali tace

“Fine”

plate da mummy ta zuba mata soyayyen ƙwai da toast ta ajiye a gabanta tana Kallonta, ganin yadda take ta juya cokali a cikin coffee d’in lost in her thoughts, it has been long she stopped believing in peace, it’s something that doesn’t exist in her dictionary.

“Babanki bai tashi daga bacci ba”

mummy ta fada Tana zama a breakfast bar dake kitchen din

“Ina ga Yau baya jin dadi ne”

ba ta amsa ba ta cigaba da juya shayin da take yi, ko Yanzu da zata sauk’o ta ganshi a zaune a home office d’insa ya k’urawa agogo idanunsa masu kyau da suke sirke da maye,
ta san lafiyarsa k’alau so bata da abin fad’a, ta sa San abu ne da daga ita har mummy basu da ikon canza Shi so she simply don’t want to talk about it, ganin ta tsurawa shayin idanu ya sa mummy bude baki da niyyar magana amma kafin ma ta Kai ga furta abin datayi niyya NA’EEMA ta mik’e tsaye

“ I’m going for a walk”

Kallonta mummy tayi kafin ta ce

“Bai yi sassafe ba baby? Are u sure?”

“I need some Air, I’ll be fine”

ta fad’a tana d’aukan jacket d’inta ta d’aura Akan soft riga da wandon baccinta Tana gyara rolling din soft mayafin kanta,

sanyin da ake yi yana shiga har cikin k’ashinta, the winter air was crisp, biting at her cheeks, hannu ta sa ya sake gyara zaman mayafinta around her neck, bata son sanyi amma wannan shine kad’ai damarta ña tunani, tunanin rayuwarta, she just want to clear her mind, guess sanyin is the price she’ll have to pay for that!

Takalman booth din da Ke k’afafunta Yana nitsewa cikin dusar k’ank’ara, walking down maplewood avenue, the quite suburban street zagaye da fararen qanqara, yadda dogayen bishiyun wajen suka bata hanya a tsakiyansu Gwanin sha’awa amma sam hankalinta ba akansu yake ba, ba wai fa ta San Ina take zuwa bane, kawai dai tafiyar take so tayi, she wished mami ta tafi da ita Nigeria, she wished lokacin da aurensu ya k’are da mahaifinta she fought for her custody, she wished ta gudu da ita Nigeria, she can vividly remember duk abubuwan da suka faru lokacin duk da bazata wuce shekaru 12 ba a lokacin, yadda yake dawowa a buge ko wani dare, ihunsa da fad’ansu da mami a kowani dare, sometimes wounds d’in da take gani a jikin Mami da safe…, a hankali take wuce sauran mutanen da suka yi sammako suma ko wanne da mayafi da manyan rigunan sanyi ba tare da tayi magana da ko mutum daya a cikin su ba.

Dakata wa tayi tana kallon bridge din that cross over the creek. Gurin shine wajen zuwanta a ranaku Irin wadannan, a hankali ta k’arasa ta tsaya tare da Zura dukka hannayenta cikin aljihun jacket dinta, ta kurawa ruwan ido yadda yake gudunsa a hankali, duk ranakun da ba makaranta wato weekends ta kan Samu kanta a nan ne tana kallon ruwan da kokarin manta abubuwa da yawa har sai lokacin da take da yak’inin mahaifin nata ya fita, bazata iya had’a ido da Shi ba, he’s her first love, her daddy, it hurts her Idan ta tuna cewa the first man she ever loved choose a bottle over her, bai barta ba tsawon rayuwarta Yana tare da ita amma she still feels empty, she feel abandoned, dafa hannunta tayi Akan old wooden bridge din Tana cigaba da kallon ruwan

kamar daga sama ta ji motsi a bayanta cike da mamaki ta juya, Yau shine karo ña farko da ta taba haduwa da wani a wajen nan it had always been her secret place,inda takan zo ta manta da duka damuwanta, a hankali ta juyo ta zuba masa idanunta da suka yi sanyi kalau tana kallon yanda ya jingina da railings din bridge din ya zuba ma kogin da sanyin kankara ya kwanta a samansu idanunsa, sanyin iskar kankara na fita ta bakinsa ta yake d’an hura iska kad’an-kad’an, hannayensa duka biyu zube cikin aljihunsa, tana iya hango hoodie din dake k’ark’arshin thick jacket dake jikinsa, dakatawa tayi Tana kallonsa zuciyarta na fad’a mata ta bar masa wajen, dai-dai lokacin da shima ya janye idanunsa daga abinda yake kallo ya dawo da su kanta da Alama bai San da ita a wajen ba dan Tana iya hango mamaki a kwance a fuskarsa kamar yadda yake rubuce a tata fuskar, da sauri da juya da niyyar barin wajen

“U come here often?”

ta jiyo muryarsa da ta dishe saboda sanyi da alama bai cika son magana ba, ko bai saba da yawan magana ba. Dakatawa tayi kafin a hankali ta juyo baby face dinta dake zagaye da neat scarve dinta ya zuba ma idanu, itama Shi take kallo duk da his face was expressionless, he’s older maybe in his late thirties, bakin gashin kansa a kwance ya zagayo zuwa sajenshi, brown eye balls inshi Yana kallonta kamar mai karantar yanayinta

“No”
ta fada da sauri tana dauke idanunta daga cikin nasa

“I just needed space”

ta fada Tana sake dago kanta ta kalleshi da son tantance shin wani yare ne Shi, har yanzu ita yake kallo kafin ya gyada kanshi a hankali tare da mayar da kanshi Yana kallon ruwan ba tare da ya sake magana ba,

“ Babu hayaniya its peaceful here”
ya fada a hankali more like to himself, da mamaki take kallonsa Jin Yayi hausa dan duk a yarukan da ta bashi babu hausa a ciki, a hankali ta karasa inda yake da jingina da railings din itama Tana kallon abinda yake kallo, duk da bai tambaye ta ba amma cike da yarinta tace

“Nafi son nan, ni bana son gida it’s loud, alot of ….. figh..ting”

Ta fada a rarrabe, bai amsa ba, sai ma gyara tsayuwarsa da Yayi Yana cigaba da kallon, sai can kuma ya dan kalleta ganin yadda ta kafe wajen da idanunta masu kyau he could see how young she’s yace
“ U live nearby?”

Gyada Kai tayi a hankali

“ Ba nisa Sosai daga nan just few blocks”

sai kuma ta dan yi shiru kamar mai tunanin abinda ta fada, murmushi kawai Yayi,

“Bakyason mutane kenan, ba don su kika fito ba kenan?”

Da sauri nace “No, Meyasa Zan fito saboda su?”

Bai amsa ba sai itama tayi shiru, Yau ne karo na farko da taji free, talking to a stranger, Wanda bata sani ba amma a Zuciyanta tana so ya cigaba da magana, mikewa tayi tsaye da kyau

“Zan tafi gida”

ta fada ba tareda jiran amsarsa ba ta juya da niyyar barin wajen, mikewa shima Yayi Yana kallon ta

“Of course, where are u headed?” Ya tambaya yana gyara tsayuwarsa,

“Ba nisa just down there” ta fada Tana nuna nasa hanyar da yatsa,

“Muje” ya fada tare da fara tafiya a hankali,

sai da ta d’an tsaya kafin a hankali tabi bayansa muryarta k’asa k’asa tace

“Tnxs”,

A jere suke tafiya a hankali ba tare da kowa yace komai ba, she can only see how small she’s a kusa da Shi, sanyin safiyar ña cigaba da kad’a wa a hankali, a dai dai kofar gidansu ta dakata tare da nuna masa gidan tace

“ Nan ne gidanmu”

tsayawa Yayi shima Yana kallon gidan kafin yace

“Okay”

har ta juya sai kuma ta juyo a hankali tace

“Nagode, for walking me home”

“Alright, take care stranger!”

Ya fada Yana kallonta as if hoping she’ll tell him her name, bata ce komai ba Hakan ya sa ya juya a hankali, kasa shiga cikin gidan tayi Tana kallonsa har sai da ya bace ma ganinta, sai sannan ta nufi cikin gidan tsayawa tayi ta zare boots dinta da jacket tayi hanging a entry way din Tana kallon window kamar Wanda zata sake ganin dogón stranger din da bata san sunansa ba, Tana iya dan hango bridge din duk da ba Sosai ba, fuskarta ta manna a glass din tayi shiru, bata san Shi ba bai santa ba, batasan sunanshi ba bai San nata ba, but yet she feel they’re connected!

Tun da ta shigo gidan ta ji kamar duk wani emotions ɗinta ne suka dawo, her heart felt heavier than usual, ta ƙarasa cikin gidan da ke nan shiru kamar ko yaushe, gidan mahaifinta that was once her comfort zone yanzu jin sa take kamar prison ne mai ʼyanci.

Rabuwar Mami da Dad shattered her tun ba ta san ma miye rayuwa ba, a da idan ya yi shaye-shaynsa baya bi ta kansu, atleast tana da wadda za ta je ta kwanta a jikinta ta ji ɗuminta.

Ajiyar zuciya ta sauke tana haura matattakalar benen a hankali tana jan kafafunta, duk abubuwan da ke faruwa a rayuwarta ya gama tafiya da walwalarta Wanda yarinya mai shekara 17 ya kamata ace tana da ita, ɗakinta ta buɗe tare da tura ƙofar tana kare ma ɗakin nata na cikakkiyar ʼyar gata kallo kafin ta ƙarasa ciki, ɗakin ba haske Sosai saboda thick binds ɗin dakin wanda ya bawa ɗakin dim glow adding more aesthetic to the view, gadonta da bata gyara ba ta kalla ta ɗauke kai ta ƙarasa gabán babban madubin da yake ɗakin fuskarta kamar ko yaushe ba a sake ba yet ba a ɗaure tam ba just Moody face da kullum haka zaka ganta, rarely ka ga tana murmushi balle kuma dariya.

Buttons din rigar ta fara ɓallewa, tana Kallon kanta a madubi, ɗan dakatawa tayi tana kallon tabon dake gefen kafaɗarta more like d’inki ne da ya bar scar, ya warke rass amma ya bar mata tabon da har abada ba zai taɓa sa ta manta da abin da ya faru ranar ba, hannu ta sa ta shafa tabon tana tuna yadda ta same shi wanda kuma tun daga lokacin ta rasa Maminta………

Kamar ko Wace rana ya dawo gidan drunk, cikin bacci ta din ga jin ihunsa da kuma kukan Mami, wadda ko mai Dad zai yi in dai yana buge bata taɓa biye masa, she was just 12 then, miƙewa tayi daga gadonta duk da Mami ta hana ta fitowa whenever babanta Yana cikin irin state din amma Jin kukan Mami yasa ta fito daga ɗakinta, a falon sama ta tsaya tana kallon ƙofar bedroom ɗin iyayennata Wanda yake a bude da alama Shi ya bar shi a buɗe, ba ta san me ya had’asu ba but ranar Mami was talking back at him, Tana cewa ta gaji ya sake ta zata koma Nigeria da y’arta daga nan ta fito daga d’akin a fusace biyota Yayi shi ma yana f’adin bata Isa ta tafi masa da yarinya ba kuma he’s not divorcing her sai dai in ta tafi da aurensa duk da a buge yake dan har tangad’i yake, ko lura da ita da Ke tsaye a k’ofar dak’inta basu yi ba, tun suna faɗa da baki har ya Kai ga ya ɗaga hannu ya mare ta, cike da zuciya ta sa hannunta duka biyu ta hankad’a Shi da yake a buge yake sai da ya kusa kaiwa k’asa, Yana mik’ewa ya zare belt da niyyar dukanta da sauri Na’ima da ke tsaye still kamar statue tana kallon parents din nata ta ƙaraso tana fashewa da kuka, ta tsaya tsakaninsu, cikin tsawa yace “Na’ima out of the way and to ur room immediately” amma ba ta motsa ba sai ma kallonsa da take hawaye na zuba idonta.
ganin haka ya d’aga hannu da niyyar marinta Mami ta riƙe hannun, a zuciye ya hankaɗa ta da duka ƙarfinsa yana fizge Na’iman daga hannunta da ta riƙe ya cilla ta cikin falon, sai da tayi tumble sau uku saboda yadda ya yi firo da ita cikin falon kafin ta tafi luu ta kife a kan glass center table dake tsakiyan falon, gefen glass din ya karce ta Sosai a kafaɗarta, ta buga goshinta, ihu ta buga amma sai ihun nata ya mak’ale a maƙoshi ganin tashin hankalin da yafi nata, da gudu ta miƙe bata damu da Jinin da ke bin kafaɗarta har ya Jiƙa gefen rigar baccinta ba ganin Mami a ƙasa a yashe jini na bin kanta down the stairs, Dad ya hankaɗa Mami tun daga saman bene, daskarewa tayi a tsaye tana kallon Mamanta a kwance bata numfashi at the foot of the steps……

Wani doguwar ajiyar zuciya ta sauƙe tana dakatar da tunanin da take yi ganin bashi da anfani, ƙarasa cire buttons din rigar tayi ba tare da ta zare ta daga jikinta ba ta wuce toilet, after 40minutes ta fito ɗaure da white towel, caramel skin ɗinta na dripping Ruwa, gashin kanta ta kama Shi roughly, ƙamshin lavender soap ɗin da tayi anfani da Shi still clinging to her skin, ba ta wani ɓata lokaci ba ta shirya cikin oversized sweater da jeans, wayarta kawai ta ɗauko ta fito, bata haɗu da Mummy ba probably tana d’akinta, kitchen ta wuce dan cikinta har k’ara yake amma kuma sam bata da appetite ɗin cin wani abu, cupboard ta buɗe ta dauƙo jar ɗin cookie, ta ajiye Shi ta ƙarasa ta haɗa ma kanta hot chocolate, ta ɗauko ta haura sama, ɗakinta ta koma ta ajiye a gefen gadonta da ta gyara kafin ta sauƙa ƙasa, sannan ta kunna room heater ta dawo ta hau gadon, laptop ɗinta ta janyo ta kunna wani movie da take kallo a Netflix, tana cin cookies ɗin tana kallo, kiran sallar azahar da wayarta ya kira ya sa tayi mik’a tare da kashe laptop ɗin ta wuce banɗaki, that’s mostly how weekends ɗinta suke boring, repetitive,dull, uninteresting.

Har dare tana ɗaki, Sallah kawai ke ɗaga ta, tun da tayi order pizza ta sauƙa ta karɓo ta dawo ɗaki bata sake fita ba, sai bayan la’asar stepmom ɗinta ta buɗe ƙofar ɗakin, bata shigo ba daga bakin ƙofa ta tsaya tana Kallonta, can kuma ta juya ta fita ba tare da ta ce mata komai ba, Ita ma bata ce mata ba, Yau gabaɗaya bata ganshi ba she’s not sure ma in yana gidan.

Tun da tayi isha’i tayi wanka ta canza kayan baccinta take zaune gefen gadon, chatting take da Mami da Ke bata lbrn bikin cousin brothers d’inta da ake yi a Nigeria she literally begged Dad ya bar ta ta je amma ya hana ta, tun da Mom ta koma Nigeria bai fi sau biyu ya taɓa bari taje wajenta ba, and since he have her custody kotu shi ta bawa kuma she’s not yet 18 ba yadda za ta yi.

” Ma, Yaya Aminun kuma ya san ni? ” tayi mata typing tana haurawa saman gadonta bayan ta cire slippers din ƙafafunta

“Ban gane he knows u ba? Who doesn’t know u, ki na da shirme Na’ima ????”

” Ma, I wanted coming wlh I even begged Dad but kin san yanda yake, yace wai No, I wish during summer ne bikin then muna summer breaks maybe da zai barni ????”

“Don’t worry during summer then sai kizo, Allah ya sa ya barki cause he’s insecure gani yake kamar ba za ki koma ba, which da ina da daman Hakan da tuni wani zancen ake yi”

” Ma, I miss u” ta tura mata hawaye na cika idonta cause she really misses her. Kiranta ne ya shigo ta whatsapp call tayi picking tana murmushi, sun jima suna magana kafin su yi sallama, sai da ta tura mata pictures ɗinta da tayi snapping 3 days back a snow da school friend ɗinta Linda kafin ta janyo pillow ta kwanta tana Jin kamar wani nauyi ya ragu a k’irjinta.

Hasken rana daya haske fuskarta yasa ta bud’e idanunta ta zuba ma window ido kafin da sauri ta wani dirƙa daga kan gadon da gudu ta ƙarasa bayi, kwata kwata bata ji alarm dinta Yayi going off ba, rabonta da tayi Sallah late har ta manta, babu Wanda yake tashinta Sallah a gidan da kanta ta ma kanta wannan tarbiyyar ko dan yanda Mamie take yawan mata nasiha, bata tare da ita amma she’s always there, unlike Dad da he’s here amma ji take kamar baya nan, duk abinda take so yana mata, kuɗi kuma bata bukatar tambayarsa, yet bata san ya zata fasalta relationship ɗinta da Shi ba.

Bayan ta idar da Sallah, bayi ta koma, tana kallon kanta a madubin bayin tana brush, wayarta ne Yayi ƙara ta fito da brush ɗin a bakinta ta ɗauko wayar ta koma bayi, ganin ya yanke yasa tayi unlocking phone ɗin tana duba missed call d’in Linda, ajiye wayar tayi cigaba da brush, rinsing bakinta tayi bayan ta gama ta tara ruwa a hanunta ta wanke fuskarta ta saƙale brush ɗin tare da ɗaukan towel tana goge fuskarta, fitowa tayi riƙe da wayar, ta zauna kan kujeran gabán dresser d’inta, whatsapp ta bude ganin Linda na online sai kawai ta tura mata message

“Saw your missed call. What’s up?”

“Hey!I was trying to ask if you have the notes from history class, I totally spaced out and missed a few things.”

“Hm okay, will send them”

“You’re a lifesaver! I owe you one.”

Ajiye wayar tayi, ta Mik’e ta wuce toilet bayan ta tura ma Linda abin da ta tambayeta.

8:30 ta sauƙo ƙasa dressed in hoodie da jeans, a zaune ta gansu suna breakfast ta ƙaraso ta ja kujera ta zauna

“Ina kwana Baba” ta faɗa tana janyo plate ba tare da ta kalleshi ba,

“Gud morning Mummy” ta sake faɗa tana serving kanta breakfast.

Sai da ya ajiye mug ɗin tea da yake sha da alama yau yana cikin nishaɗi, maybe he didn’t drink yesterday

“Morning kid” ya faɗa yana miƙewa alamun ya gama breakfast ɗin , kallonshi ta ɗan yi ta gefen ido, Yana sanye da light blue polo shirt tucked neatly, da farin baseball cap a kanshi, ko bai faɗa ba tasan he’s going for golf course kamar dai sauran weekends ɗimshi.

Ƙarasawa Yayi kusa da Mummy Yayi Kissing goshinta, itama Na’iman Yayi kishing kumatunta.

“Gobe akwai school koh?”

Ya faɗa yana barin wajen, gyaɗa kai kawai tayi bata ce komai ba, har taji ƙaran rufe ƙofarsa alamun ya fita a gidan, fitar motarsa da taji ne yasa ta maida hankalinta kan abincinta tana ci a hankali, mutumin jiya ne ya faɗo mata ta Kau da tunanin, tana kallon Mummy da ta haura sama, bata jima ba ta sauƙo da car key a hannunta Tana kallonta tace

“Baby, hope ull be fine on ur own” ta faɗa tana riƙe da jacket ɗinta a hannunta,
kallonta kawai Na’ima ke yi kafin ta gyaɗa mata kai kawai tana tura fork mai ɗauke da waffles bakinta.

Tana kallonta har ta fita ta rufo ƙofar itama, ajiyar zuciya ta sauƙe ta ƙarasa breakfast ɗin ta ɗauraye few utensils ɗin ta wuce sama.

Kasancewar yau Monday, sai bata koma bacci ba tun da ta yi asuba ta koma gadonta tana strolling through so

Bata jima ba ta fito ɗaure da towel, ta ƙarasa wardrobe ɗinta ta buɗe tana kallon ciki, uniform ɗinta ta zaro cike da sanyin jiki ta ajiye shi gefen gado kafin ta ƙarasa dresser ɗinta, bata jima ba ta gama shafe shafen da zatayi ta gyara gashinta ta dawo bakin gadon ta tsaya tana kallon navy- blue blazer ɗinta da silver crest wanda aka rubuta tambarin sunan makarantansu —St.Emery’s Academy,Boston,MA— a jikinsa.

Farar rigar ta fara ɗauka ta saka a ɗan ƙaramin jikinta wanda bai yi kama da ta m
Kai 17 ɗin bama sai tsawo da take da Shi tayi butttoning, kafin ta ɗaura blazer ɗin da ke kama da suit, gray skirt ɗin ta saka tana sa hannu ta sake smoothening ɗinsa, tie ɗinta ta ɗauka mai layi- layin navy and silver ta saka shi a ƙarƙashin collar ɗin rigarta, ta sunkuya ta saka fararen socks ɗinta kafin ta zauna a gaban madubi ta yane kanta da veil baƙi.

Ƙarasawa inda takalmanta suke tayi ta zaro loafers ɗinta da suke kyalli ta zauna a gefen gado ta saka su, backpack ɗinta ta rataya a shoulder ɗinta guda ɗaya ta fito daga ɗakinta, sauri sauri ta wuce downstairs, kamar ko wace Monday a table ɗin ta same su har sun fara karyawa, tana ƙarasowa wajen tace

“Morning”